What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
