Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
