I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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