Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
