i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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