If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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