She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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