did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
