Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
