okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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