What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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