Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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