his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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