yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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