i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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