I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
