I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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