john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
