Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You did what with his pubic hair?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
