I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
