Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
