She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
