Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
