went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
