end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
