I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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