Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
