i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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