My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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