Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
