We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
