I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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