he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
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Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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