morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's blow job season.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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