My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
