Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
