Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
