i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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