where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so that wasnt chicken after all
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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