How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
