Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
