I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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