It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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