What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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