Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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