Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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