i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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