Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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