Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize