If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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