He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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