the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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