There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
