I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
