I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
