I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
