you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
