i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
