we have pet lesbian snakes
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
