Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize