I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My pussy is not your playground.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
