i already hear my dad disowning me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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