What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
