i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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