he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
