Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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